Often we see things about ourselves that we don’t like, and try to change, correct or improve them. Sometimes, we have learned growing up that our behaviour, looks or manner won’t be acceptable to others. We may have decided it was safer to hide that part of ourselves.

Everybody has aspects of themselves that they don’t like. We try to control how others respond to us, by changing who we are. However, we cannot change ourselves by rejecting those aspects we don’t like. Until we accept that we may never change, change is not possible. We have to start from where we are.

Acceptance is not the same as resignation, nor is it the same as surrender. In both these cases the energy is negative and closed. There is a turning away from that part of ourselves. In acceptance, there is an embracing of the situation, and we hold the hope of who we want to be.

Jude Fay MIAHIP is a counsellor and psychotherapist at AnneLeigh Counselling and Psychotherapy, Celbridge and Naas, Co Kildare, Ireland